touched_by_seshat: (Shadows)
Musemuggers Challenge from Week #88: Take song lyrics and write the background story to tell the song's inspiration.
Title: Foolish Games
Words: 1,211
Author: Mylia ([livejournal.com profile] not_from_stars)
Song Used: Foolish Games by Jewel
Warnings: Harsh language
Summary: Sometimes, it's the things left unsaid that seem to hurt the most






Foolish Games


I watched from my window,
always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care...



They sat in silence and the ticking of the kitchen clock could be heard echoing throughout the apartment. She picked at the fabric of the brown couch while she waited for him to say something...to say anything. She could feel the tears burning the backs of her eyes as the silence stretched on and he took another drink from the brown glass bottle.

When all he did was drink again, she got up from the couch and went to leave the room. He reached out and grabbed her arm. She looked into pained brown eyes.

"Where are you going, Jhordhann?"

She swallowed and looked away. "I don't know. I just needed to move."

He sighed and put down the bottle on the table next to him. "You planning on running away?"

"You planning on crawling into a bottle?" She closed her eyes when she saw him wince at her verbal knife.

She hated this. She hated when they got to the point where they were saying churlish things and hurting each other. This was when things had festered inside both of them for too long...then when something big came along, this was how they dealt with it.

She lowered her head and pulled her arm away from the gentle grasp. She had to get out of his sight before she started crying. Lately, she hated to let him see her cry. She moved into the bedroom as quickly as she could without running. She was having a hard time keeping the tears back, and as son as she sat on the edge of the bed, they started running down her face.

She grabbed the nearest pillow and buried her face in it to muffle her sobs. The pillow was his and it smelled just like him. That made the feeling of despair even worse. She lay down on the bed, clutching the pillow to her.

She didn't know what to do. This was a new situation for her and her coping skills just weren't up to the task.

"I love you, but I can't be with you."

Those words had ripped at her heart and she had felt like her world was dropping out from under her feet.

She felt a hand on her back. It was a gentle comforting hand.

"Jhordhann, please don't cry..."

Please don't cry. Please don't cry? He had just ripped her heart out and he was asking her not to cry.


Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees...



He pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried. It wasn't until a few moments had passed that he realized he was crying as well. He rocked her soothingly as they both shed what seemed like a lifetime's worth of tears.

He didn't know how to cope with this any better than she did, but he hated to see her so torn up. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do this time to repair what had been done.

"Jhordhann," he whispered as he lay back on the bed holding her to him. "Jhordhann..."

She waited for him to say something besides her name. She waited for him to say anything at all.

"You know I love you..." he whispered, slicing deeply into her heart.

"Then why?"

"Because I can't...not after...everything. I can't let you that close again. I can't take that risk again."

She tried to pull away from him at that point.

"So I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be in a committed relationship with."

He didn't respond.

"Michael..."

"Things have changed, Jhordhann."

She was still and silent for a long moment. Then she went to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "Let me go, Michael."

"Why, so you can disappear again?"

Jhordhann tried struggling, but as usual, she was ineffective at that when he decided she wasn't going anywhere. She took in a deep breath. "You want my body...the skills I have learned...but you don't want me."

"Jhordhann..."

"What?" she demanded in a defeated voice. "You wnat to fuck me, want to try out all of your fantasies with me, but you don't want me. You want the body, but not this heart...not this soul."

"That's not true...it's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, Michael?" Jhordhann took a hitching breath to try and stop herself from dissolving into tears again. "You love me, but you don't want to let me in again. You want the body and the sex, but nothing that resembles any kind of emotional attachment."

"I do want you..."

"I know," she whispered. "You want me, but you won't let me in again." She again tried to sit up, and he again held her firm against his chest.

"Tell me you don't want me, Jhordhann."

"I can't and you know it," she cried out. "You know how I feel about you. You know I'm still in love with you. You know that a simple touch from you makes me forget everything I was doing."

"So why are you so upset? We make each other happy, don't we? Why is this tearing the two of us apart so much?"

"Because I'm not a whore!" she cried out. "I love you, damn it and I don't know how to turn off the emotions and just go with the sensations of the things we do. I don't know how to be an emotionless mask like you are. I can't lose myself in the sex and the play and pretend that nothing else matters!"

Her outburst stunned him enough to make him let go of her. She sat up, but when she tried to stand, he grabbed her wrist and yanked her back down.

"I never said you were a whore, Jhordhann," he said in anger. He glared at her, his dark eyes full of fire for the first time since this had began. "I never said anything even close to that. I would never call you any of those things."

"No," she said quietly. "You don't say it, but you'll treat me like it."

"Jhordhann..."

"No, Michael, you listen to me. How would you feel if the woman you loved said that she loved you deeply, but could only have a sexual relationship? What if she said that she wanted to enjoy the use of your body but wanted no attachments to anything besides your body?"

"Things...things aren't the same, Jhordhann."

"Why, because of the job I held for a year and a half? Or maybe it's because of the hell I put myself through, and then tried to pull myself out of it without any help from anyone?"

"You're not...you're not mine anymore. Others saw you..."

Jhordhann got up from the bed and stood, looking at him as tears slipped down her cheeks. "I'm not the same person I once was, Michael. But I have never stopped loving you. Those two years of my life were hell and when you brought me home to your place, I thought that maybe the hell was ending. I guess I was wrong." She turned to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I'm just going out."

"Jhordhann..."

"Tell it to your bottle, Michael."



These foolish games are tearing me apart
You thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart...









Foolish Games --- Jewel

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window,
always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees

These foolish games are tearing me apart
You thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in the morning
Smoking your cigarettes, talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you,
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself

These foolish games are tearing me apart
You thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

You took off your coat and stood in the rain
you were always like that





Author's Note: I have no idea where this came from. I was listening to the song, and next thing I know this was on the screen in front of me.

Profile

touched_by_seshat: (Default)
Touched By Seshat

May 2007

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20 212223242526
2728293031  
Page generated Jul. 23rd, 2017 06:48 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Custom Text

Style Credit